It’s that point once more.
A time to remodel fireside and residential right into a hellscape of landfill-bound fripperies.
A time to commerce the quinoa salads and avocado ice cream for mother’s deep-fried mac ‘n cheese balls filled with pizza rolls filled with a molten core of sugar-soaked gummy worms.
And maybe most significantly, a time to supply moonlit sacrifices of cured grinch hides and spiced elf organs to the dimension-hopping Antediluvian demi-god Santa Claus and his battalion of bionic beast-deer-creatures cast within the Third Epoch of Prehistory to do battle with the dead-eyed demon prince Krampus for command of the multiverse—
what? That is fairly irrelevant. Shifting on.
What I actually needed to say was . . .
MERRY CHRITHMITH AND HAPPY HOLLANDAISE!
I hope you and yours are relishing many moments of joyous merriment and reveling in all of their pine-scented, butter-lubed, and tinsel-laden glory.
And what’s going to subsequent yr convey?
Will the “I’m not a criminal simply an fool” protection exonerate Rip-off Bankrun-Fraud and his owl-faced polyamorous collaborator?
Will the 2 weeks of transitory, secure and efficient, and largely peaceable inflation lastly finish?
Will we discover ourselves spearing mutated acid hogs within the blasted ruins of Toad Suck, Arkansas?
Who can know?
At any charge, my merry band of mice and males . . . and girls . . . have laid wondiferous plans for 2023 that’ll get you purring like a canine that ate a cheerful cat, together with . . .
- New and upgraded merchandise to instabuy, together with an power drink, protein cookie, Pulse and Recharge enhancements (new elements!), attire, and extra.
- New flavors of present merchandise to take a flier on, together with rainbow sherbert and pina colada Pulse; apple pie, coconut cream, and frosted cereal Whey+; bitter sweet and arctic blast Recharge; and extra.
- New gross sales channels and worldwide transport choices to raised separate you out of your coinage, together with Amazon UK, WalMart.com, and Goal.com.
- New content material to graze on, together with fourth editions of my books Greater Leaner Stronger and Thinner Leaner Stronger, new web site instruments, weblog articles, podcasts, and extra.
And that’s simply the short dampen, after all—many particulars to observe.
Oh and since this could’t be mentioned sufficient:
Bless your cotton socks on your assist.
Actually.
If this had been one other period, I’d construct a temple to your glory, tear out my eyes with a ceremonial spoon, turn into your oracle, prophesy the doom of all who oppose you, and sing hymns about your nascent godhood with my tongueless mouth.
However alas, that is the Present Yr, and so, if it pleases Your Grace, I provide my everlasting gratitude as an alternative.
YES, ETERNAL 👏 GRATITUDE 👏
AS IN, MY SPECTRAL SERVICE ACROSS THE INFINITY OF SPACE AND TIME.
Prefer it, adore it, rub it throughout your self.
Oh, and yet one more factor:
For the sake of Santa’s sacred nipples, don’t depend energy on Christmas.
Feast. Drink. Hug your family members. Hakuna matata.
*moonwalks*
*disappears*
Mike
P.S. Various folks have mentioned they wish to get me a present for the vacations, which is a candy gesture . . . until it’s a field of Maricopa harvester ants . . . no, the thought doesn’t depend . . . and to that I say:
If you wish to get me one thing, then possibly purchase a replica of one among my books? Or go away a assessment for one among them wherever you purchase books on-line?
We authors like to promote books. And get evaluations.
Actually, the one motive you’re receiving this e-mail is as a result of many type folks began doing each of these issues ten years in the past once I launched the primary version of Greater Leaner Stronger, so both of them would actually tickle the reptilian pleasure facilities of my mind this Christmas.
You Might Additionally Like
Our Most Well-liked Proof-Based mostly Articles
You do not want dietary supplements to construct muscle, lose fats, and get wholesome. However the best ones can assist.
Take our 60-second quiz now to study which dietary supplements can assist you obtain your health objectives sooner.
Sending…
Your free stuff is on the best way!
Comply with the Eating regimen Plan that Helped Nikita Lose 15 Kilos in 3 Months
“I by no means thought getting in form could be this easy! Every little thing simply WORKS once you observe this plan.” And if he can do it, why not you?
Wait!
Desire a Free Customized Meal Planning Instrument?
Shortly calculate your energy, macros, and micros for shedding fats, constructing muscle, and staying wholesome.
Our “No Return Vital”
Cash-Again Assure
When you don’t like one thing of ours, guess what occurs subsequent?
No, we don’t request you ship it to a PO field within the Gobi Desert by provider pigeon. Nor can we ask you to fill a cursed inkwell with orc’s blood and demon saliva after which use it to finish reams of return kinds written in historic Cyrillic script.
We simply . . . watch for it . . . provide you with your a reimbursement. Holy moo cows. And which means you may say “sure” now and determine later.
Free Worldwide Delivery & Returns
Many firms use transport and dealing with charges to extend their revenue margins, however right here at Legion, we hate earnings, so our transport is free!
Okay, so we do dig on earnings, however we additionally go in for completely happy prospects, and free transport works like gangbusters. So, in the event you dwell in the US, your order ships free no matter order dimension, and in the event you dwell elsewhere, your order ships free when it’s over $199.
Why the restriction on worldwide orders? Sadly, transport overseas may be very costly, and if we didn’t require a minimal order dimension, we’d lose some huge cash. However! We’re additionally hustling to enhance our worldwide logistics and might be passing our financial savings alongside to our worldwide prospects.
Additionally, in the event you don’t completely love our stuff for no matter motive, we don’t request you ship it to a PO field within the Gobi Desert by provider pigeon.
We simply . . . watch for it . . . provide you with your a reimbursement. No returns. No kinds. No nonsense. Holy moo cows.
Which means you may say “sure” now and determine later. You actually don’t have anything to lose.
Clinically Efficient Doses
Many elements in dietary supplements don’t have any scientifically validated advantages, and plenty of elements that do are sometimes underdosed to the purpose of irrelevance.
That’s why we solely use the selection elements and exact doses proven to be efficient in peer-reviewed scientific research.
Clinically Efficient Doses
You want greater than nice elements to make nice merchandise—you additionally want correct doses. That’s why we use the exact doses of elements proven to be efficient in peer-reviewed scientific research.
100% Pure Substances
“Pure” doesn’t all the time imply “higher,” however in lots of instances, pure elements are superior to synthetic ones for varied causes, together with purity, security, and efficacy.
That’s why all of our elements in all of our merchandise come from plant and animal sources, together with sweeteners, colours, and flavors.
Made in USA
If you wish to make sure the dietary supplements you’re swallowing every single day are secure and efficient, you need merchandise produced within the USA.
That’s why all of our dietary supplements are made in America in NSF-certified and FDA-inspected amenities that function in accordance with the Present Good Manufacturing Apply (cGMP) laws.
Lab Examined
Do you know that dietary supplements can comprise dangerously excessive ranges of poisons like lead, arsenic, and cadmium?
That’s why we take a look at each ingredient of each complement we produce for heavy metals, microbes, allergens, and different contaminants and guarantee they meet the strict purity requirements set by the FDA.
Naturally Sweetened & Flavored
Whereas synthetic sweeteners might not be as harmful as some folks declare, research recommend that common consumption of those chemical compounds could certainly be dangerous to our well being.
That’s why all of our dietary supplements are naturally sweetened and flavored and comprise no synthetic meals dyes, fillers, or different pointless junk.
Science-Backed Substances
Many elements in dietary supplements don’t have any scientifically validated advantages. That’s why we solely use selection elements proven to be efficient in peer-reviewed scientific research.
No Chemical Junk
“Pure” doesn’t all the time imply “higher,” however in lots of instances, pure elements are superior to synthetic ones for varied causes, together with purity, security, and efficacy.
That’s why all of our elements in all of our merchandise come from plant and animal sources, together with sweeteners, colours, and flavors.
Cut up your total on-line buy into 4 interest-free funds, over 6 weeks with no impression to your credit score.
25%
immediately
25%
2 weeks
25%
4 weeks
25%
6 weeks
Store and add objects to your cart as regular!
Select Sezzle at Checkout! You’ll be redirected to Sezzle to Signal Up or Log In
to finish your order.
Your order might be shipped out instantly* and your funds might be cut up up
over 6 weeks.
*transport occasions topic to service provider transport coverage
Store listing. Reschedule funds. Plus extra!
Waiver and Launch of Legal responsibility
In consideration of the companies and/or merchandise supplied by Legion Athletics, Inc. (“Legion”) together with, however not restricted to, vitamin plans, train routines and training, and along with the cost of any price or cost:
I knowingly and voluntarily enter into this waiver and launch of legal responsibility and hereby waive any and all rights, claims or causes of motion of any type in anyway arising out of my use of Legion’s companies and/or merchandise, and I hereby launch and maintain innocent Legion and its consultants, officers, contractors, brokers, house owners and staff from any and all duty, legal responsibility, price and bills, together with for accidents, damages or problems (bodily, metabolic, or in any other case), ensuing from my use of Legion’s companies and/or merchandise.
I perceive that health actions together with, however not restricted to, energy, flexibility, and cardiovascular train, with or with out the usage of gear, are doubtlessly hazardous actions that contain a threat of damage and even demise, and I’m voluntarily collaborating in these actions and utilizing gear and equipment with information of the dangers concerned. I hereby conform to assume and settle for any and all dangers of damage or demise associated to mentioned health actions.
I perceive Legion’s companies and merchandise aren’t meant to deal with or handle any well being situations or circumstances, and I acknowledge that Legion has beneficial I get hold of a healthcare supplier’s approval for my use of Legion’s companies and/or merchandise, via common bodily examination(s) and/or session. I acknowledge that I’ve obtained my healthcare supplier’s approval or have determined to make use of Legion’s companies and/or merchandise with out such approval and hereby assume all duty for my use of mentioned companies and/or merchandise.
I perceive that outcomes from utilizing Legion’s merchandise and/or companies aren’t assured, and I conform to not maintain Legion chargeable for any outcomes or lack thereof.
OUT OF STOCK
Safety Verify
Please click on the checkbox beneath. We apologize for the inconvenience.
When you don’t completely love this product, simply tell us, and we’ll provide you with a full refund on the spot. No kinds or return crucial.
Analyzed for purity and efficiency in a state-of-the-art ISO 17025 accredited lab by Labdoor™, the gold customary of third-party lab testing.
Analyzed for purity and efficiency in a state-of-the-art ISO 17025 accredited lab, the gold customary of third-party lab testing.
This product doesn’t simply “comprise pure elements’’—each ingredient is of course sourced from crops and animals. This product accommodates no synthetic or artificial substances of any type.
Truth Checked
Our scientific assessment board of nutritionists, dietitians, molecular biologists, medical doctors, and different accredited specialists is chargeable for reviewing each article, podcast, and video we produce to make sure they’re proof based mostly, correct, reliable, and present.
Because of their connections, credentials, and educational expertise, this crew of MDs, PhDs, and different professionals has entry to a wealth of analysis printed within the largest and most prestigious journals on the earth.
This enables them to not solely assessment particular person research but additionally analyze the general weight of the proof on any and all subjects associated to eating regimen, train, supplementation, and extra.
When you really feel that any of our content material is inaccurate, deceptive, out-of-date, or something lower than factual, please tell us within the feedback part of the article in query.
Proof Based mostly
We observe an in depth, rigorous, multi-step course of to create content material that meets the very best requirements of readability, practicality, and scientific integrity.
First, our analysis associates present our editorial crew with correct, up-to-date, confirmed scientific proof.
Then, our editorial crew makes use of this analysis to draft articles and descriptions for podcasts and movies.
Lastly, our scientific assessment board evaluations the content material to make sure all key data and claims are backed by high-quality scientific analysis and defined merely and exactly.
When you really feel that any of our content material is inaccurate, deceptive, out-of-date, or something lower than factual, please tell us within the feedback part of the article in query.
