I Took a Study How To Say No Workshop


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If “no” is a full sentence, then why do some folks, like myself, discover the phrase so debilitating to say? A licensed yes-person, the one memorable time I mentioned no—to a pal who’d requested me to assist them transfer on a day I needed to work—left me so riddled with guilt that I bought nothing on my to-do listing completed, and I did not even depart my home to run errands as a result of out of worry that they’d see me out.

Whereas this response could seem excessive, it is extra widespread than it’s possible you’ll suppose. A latest survey by Pure Leaf and Honest Play discovered that solely 15 % of girls felt assured when saying no, particularly at work. Additional, those that did say no reported that guilt was the primary emotion they felt afterward. And it doesn’t get significantly better for the yes-people, with 38 % revealing they’ve agreed to a process as a result of they felt obligated, despite the fact that they wished to say no.

In each situations, the sort of inner battle is an indication that you just “haven’t given your self permission to say ‘no,'” says Veronica Eyo, EdD, LCSW, a coach for the Honest Play Methodology study to say no workshop in partnership with Pure Leaf Tea. Dr. Eyo tells me this system, primarily based on writer Eve Rodsky’s bestsellers, Honest Play and Discover Your Unicorn House, sometimes takes six periods to grasp, and is about methods to leverage and set boundaries, mentally take a load off, and allow ourselves to be unavailable. “Once you say sure to one thing, it takes time away from different priorities and belongings you like to do,” she says. “By saying sure to one thing, you’re saying no to one thing for you.”

What’s the Honest Play Methodology’s study to say no workshop

The concept of Honest Play is a time-and-anxiety-saving system. It’s about wanting on the “invisible duties” in your private {and professional} lives that carry a heavy psychological load and distributing them in a manner that results in much less stress. These to-dos, or emotional labors, are those that ladies are sometimes disproportionately impacted by, so studying methods to set boundaries to reclaim house is vital.

Whereas my propensity to say sure to every thing permits me to expertise new and various things, it does come at a value—boundaries. A lot of my one-hour session with Dr. Eyo was about addressing my boundaries, or lack thereof. “It’s very simple to typically simply fall into saying sure,” she says.

As an alternative, she advises yes-people like myself to take a second to guage and ask themselves if the duty is one thing they genuinely need to do or be concerned in. In my expertise, notoriously saying sure with restricted boundaries, typically leads to being taken benefit of. There have been instances when my kindness has grow to be anticipated with out my ideas and efforts being considered. Once you lack boundaries, you permit others to enter your pleased “unicorn” house, to make use of a time period from the Honest Play Methodology, with no penalties.

The way to steadily begin setting boundaries if saying no is just too onerous

Regardless of in case you’re a novice like myself or extra seasoned, saying no could be troublesome, which is why Dr. Eyo says steadily implementing boundaries like providing an alternate time or exercise and slowly constructing as much as having the ability to decline gives could be a better in troublesome conditions. “It’s not concerning the phrase; you don’t should say no,” Dr. Eyo says. “Typically utilizing completely different phrases and actions is how we begin.”

Earlier than responding in any manner, Dr. Eyo first suggests checking in with your self by asking two questions:

  • Does this match with me?
  • Is that this what I need to be doing proper now?

“If the reply is sure, then that’s alright,” Dr. Eyo says. “The issue is whenever you begin to discover perhaps down the road that you just’re not having the identical success as you had been earlier than.” If that’s the case, she advises stepping again and re-evaluating the scenario.

My greatest lesson from Honest Play’s study to say no workshop

For myself, I’m engaged on the guilt issue, however as Dr. Eyo jogs my memory, it’s fully regular when setting boundaries. “Guilt doesn’t imply that your no is incorrect; that’s simply the place you’re at,” she says. “Each time you say no, set a boundary, or decide to place your self first, I assure it will get simpler and the guilt will get much less and fewer.” Here is hoping!

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