Whereas the apply was engaged in principally by lovers of fem-dom/sub relationships throughout the BDSM neighborhood, social media factors to its far broader attraction. The hashtag #facesitting has over one million views on TikTok with movies on the subject racking up tons of of 1000’s of likes. Under, you’ll discover professional insights on face sitting together with the origins of the apply, why you would possibly wish to incorporate it into your intercourse life, and precisely learn how to strive it.
What’s face sitting?
“Face sitting, or queening, refers to a sexual place the place one associate positions themselves in order that their genitals or anus are above their associate’s face,” says sexologist Lilith Foxx. It may be included as a part of foreplay or be the principle sexual exercise.
As a result of face sitting entails one associate being positioned bodily on high of the opposite, it may also be utilized in BDSM play, the place the individual on high performs the dominant position, says intercourse educator Niki Davis-Fainbloom, MA. And within the BDSM neighborhood, that individual has historically been one with a vulva, therefore the gendered time period of “queening.”
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However, anybody of any gender identification or organic intercourse might be on high and be the extra dominant associate. Or, face sitting doesn’t have to incorporate the ability play element in any respect, says Davis-Fainbloom. “Typically, it could possibly simply perform as a unique oral intercourse place to strive.”
What are the origins of this sexual act?
As famous above, face sitting originated inside a BDSM context and “highlights the eroticism of the ‘throne’ metaphor, with the sitter embodying the determine of energy,” says Foxx.
Although it’s rising in recognition now, face sitting is a centuries-old apply. “Its roots are in cis-gendered feminine dominance and male submission dynamics courting again to at the least Victorian instances when the time period ‘queening stool’ was used for a specifically designed piece of furnishings facilitating this act,” says Foxx. (Consider a stool with a gap within the seat.)
“It’s extra about embodiment and empowerment and has nothing to do with genitalia.” —Niki Davis-Fainbloom, MA, intercourse educator
However once more, regardless of its fem-dom roots, queening is now not restricted to any explicit gendered set-up. “It’s extra about embodiment and empowerment and has nothing to do with genitalia,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Through the years, face sitting has additionally discovered a following amongst those that have kinks that don’t contain energy play. “Some folks benefit from the breath play or the degradation play that may include the bodily act of being smothered [during face sitting],” says Foxx.
Why chances are you’ll wish to sit in your associate’s face for oral intercourse
There are a handful of psychological and bodily explanation why the apply of face sitting could be a pleasure-enhancing addition to your intercourse life, because it caters to quite a lot of sexual pursuits and relationship dynamics.
From a psychological standpoint, there’s the potential for attractive energy play famous above, which might be thrilling for a lot of, says Foxx. Each the receiving and the giving associate might be able of energy, relying on how they wish to body their expertise. “There is a very distinct distinction in play between the receiving associate saying, ‘Get beneath your queen’s throne and repair her, slave!’ and the giving associate saying, ‘Sit down on this seat, and let your Grasp use you to his want,’” says Foxx.
On the bodily aspect of issues, face sitting can even permit the receiving associate to manage the tempo, stress, and space of stimulation, which might improve pleasure, says Foxx. That may be particularly helpful for folks with vulvas, on condition that stimulation of the clitoris, particularly, usually facilitates the best, quickest path to orgasm. “Due to the potential for stress [on the clitoris] with face sitting, the place may help activate the nerve endings and supply extra pleasure,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Additionally, face sitting is an excellent oral intercourse place for folks with disabilities or who’ve issue shifting into sure positions. “All that the [giving partner] must do is lie down and use their tongue,” says Davis-Fainbloom.
Another reason why chances are you’ll wish to add face sitting into your sexual repertoire? It is a good way to change issues up and take a look at one thing new, provides Foxx. Analysis reveals that individuals in long-term relationships who make an effort to interact in novel sexual actions collectively have increased relationship satisfaction ranges than those that don’t.
The best way to strive face sitting for the primary time, based on intercourse specialists
In the event you’re interested by making an attempt queening with a associate, step one is to speak about it. “Open communication about consolation, boundaries, and pursuits is important,” says Foxx. Have a dialog at a time once you’re not about to have intercourse (or within the midst of getting intercourse), in order that there is no such thing as a stress in your associate to strive one thing new within the second, and you may each freely give consent.
Language and terminology can be necessary to contemplate throughout this dialog. Whereas face sitting is usually known as “queening” within the context of BDSM, you and your associate definitely don’t want to make use of this time period explicitly or in any respect (whether or not or not you are planning to incorporate energy play). If the time period does not attraction, it’s a good suggestion to debate upfront what gender-neutral phrases you would possibly use as a substitute; this information to non-binary names for doms and subs by sexologist Sunny Megatron is a good place to start out.
One other factor to contemplate is security. Safewords—which denote when a associate want to pause or cease a sexual scene or act—are important within the BDSM world, and they are often simply as helpful throughout any sexual exercise, particularly one which’s new to you and/or a associate. As a result of the giving associate may not have the ability to converse throughout face sitting, you might also wish to determine on a non-verbal choice. “Non-verbal alerts, like a faucet or squeeze on the leg, might be agreed upon to speak when the beneath associate wants a break or a change,” says Foxx.
As for the face sitting itself, it’s also possible to experiment with completely different angles and positions to determine what works finest for you and your associate. “Relying on the bodily stimulation desired, the associate on high could wish to hover barely, or if they’ve a penis, they may select to raise one knee as much as stability,” says Foxx.
Additionally, if the receiving associate (who can be positioned on high) has a incapacity, it may be helpful to contemplate a chunk of intercourse furnishings like a queening chair; there are lots of completely different choices accessible that may assist make face sitting simpler on the knees and hips. “If companions are taking part in on a mattress, the individual receiving oral stimulation [who can kneel atop the giving partner] can even make the most of pillows and cushions to alleviate stress on the knees and shins, and elevate themselves if the associate giving the oral stimulation wants extra space or airflow,” says Foxx.
The best way to make sitting in your associate’s face extra comfy and pleasurable
In the event you really feel hesitant to strive face sitting (because the individual on high) due to the physique positioning and the angle it is going to grant your associate, know that you just’re not alone. Foxx says this can be a widespread and legitimate insecurity, particularly amongst those that have poor physique picture—but it surely definitely doesn’t imply you need to maintain your self from experiencing the potential pleasures of this intercourse place.
One solution to make the expertise extra comfy is to recommend that your associate be verbally encouraging as they have interaction. “It may be useful for the associate giving oral stimulation to affirm and reward the associate [on top] who’s to obtain,” says Foxx.
One other concept? You may work your method as much as the complete face sitting expertise (quite than diving proper in) by experimenting with different related intercourse positions first. “The 69 place [where one partner lies on top of the other, facing the opposite direction, and both partners give and receive oral] can present related sensations and energy play and could be a great way for the individual on high to get their thoughts off of being the main focus of consideration by stimulating their associate concurrently,” says Foxx, including {that a} variation of 69 the place each companions lie on their sides may also be one to strive.
“Face sitting is for everybody—no matter gender, dimension, anatomy, or sexuality,” says Foxx. So long as you and your associate set up clear consent and non-verbal methods to speak all through the expertise to make sure consolation, you possibly can loosen up and benefit from the pleasure that queening gives, whether or not you’re giving or receiving.
